after a long night of wandering rue de sainte catherine i was feeling rather weary. upon finding myself face down in a gutter i had no choice but to weep, but before the first tear even hit the soiled pavement a corpulent woman in a dark shroud lifted me into her mammoth arms and whisked me off into a dark alley. now, due to the size of this being i expected to be battered, or even worse, raped in said alley. after all, oprah always warned me about being taken to a second location. instead of being attacked, a tiny door opened casting a warm and glistening light onto our faces. i looked up into her eyes and she told me, with these windows to her soul, that everything would be fine. the last thing i remember was lying naked in a bed of straw and silk worms being fed grapes and margaritas...

holy shazam

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