today in the grocery store i innocently attempted to pick up a 12 pack of coke, which was obviously viewed by some as a mating call. before i was all the way up i heard feet shuffling towards me, and i turned around and there in front of me was a man substantially shorter than myself licking his diamond-encrusted gold teeth

he said "yo, you got a thecond"

i said "uh..."

and he said "cuth girl, you thexthee"

tonight i will sleep much sounder knowing that i am in fact "thexthee" to a lisping midget

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